btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i drank out of a bidet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
