Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Girls should come with a carfax report
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
