in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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