hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
