i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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