Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
