new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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