Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
