i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
