Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
