I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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