I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
