My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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