and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
