The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
