I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
