Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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