Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
