I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
