Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize