I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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