I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
