1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
