At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
