you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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