who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
