Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
