I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
