Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
