You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
