I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
