time to smoke my breakfast
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
