I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
