I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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