Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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