How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
