He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
