I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
well you can't waste a boner
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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