is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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