why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
