I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
