I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
