Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
