I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
