Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
