I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if only i could text you this smell
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
