ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
