There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
BRING THE BAGELS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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