your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God, I missed his penis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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