her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
