no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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