Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
