u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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