I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
