Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize