I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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