I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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