So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am midnight drunk by noon
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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