we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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