I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize