Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
