thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
