I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The ass gains better be worth it
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