I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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