haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
