I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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